I’m sure you all admired the length of the Separation Wall that could be seen throughout a majority of road 6 on our Journey from Tel-Aviv to Haifa.
We will shortly be arriving at Mount Carmel which was set on fire last month by young Arab hooligans.
Brittany from Chicago: I thought it was an accident, that the boy was a Druze and that a higher percentage of them serve in the IDF than the percentage of Jewish kids?
I’m not quite sure what that word ‘Druze’ means. Either way, the boy was a non-Jewish, ungrateful hooligan that exposed our govt. with their pants down and caused them to make one very unpleasant phone call to an enemy country.
Chris from Seattle: are you referring to Turkey? Doesn’t Israel have diplomatic relations with it?
Yes, and the Turkish are constantly abusing these relations to prove to the EU that they’re worth membership. So much in fact, that in the past we had to call in their ambassador, sit him on a small couch (!) and publicly humiliate him in order to remind him Who’s the Boss and how the Israeli Diplomacy game is played.
Brittany, again: I’m curious as to why the Palestinian fire-fighters that were called and came to help put out the fire, were not granted entrance back into Israel for the award ceremony.
Israel uses the most advanced technological methods in the world to base its security on- such as building a wall and shooting at anything that looks remotely suspicious. If they weren’t allowed back in, it means that they were identified by this intricately advanced, state-of-the-art security system, as security threats.
As you can see, we are already in the process of rebuilding and replanting in the area. The people of Israel showed such admirable unity in standing united against the fire, that the govt. has rewarded them by adding a clause in this years’ budget that states that it cares so much about their safety, that if it wasn’t for the constant state of emergency Israel has been suspended in for the last 70 years, the govt. would have been more than happy to transfer the 125 million NIS -currently being cut out of the education, culture and development budget- into the fire fighters’ and other emergency services budget, rather than into the defense budget that is simply in much greater need of that money these terror-ridden days.
As you can see, we are coming up on Nazareth, home of Jesus, a popular site for christian lunatics that pay for our existence. Before you ask, I’ll explain right now, the reason the Christmas Tree wasn’t allowed to be publicly displayed is because those crazy Christians will keep paying us regardless, so why do we have to turn our nice Jewish country into Christmas central? just because some ungrateful Arabs claim they celebrate it? Think about it. That’s just not logical!
And now, I would like to introduce the soldiers we brought to escort and guide you throughout the rest of your trip.