Reality Taglit Episode 1

(The first in a series to come)…

I would like to welcome the participants of Reality-Taglit-2011 to Israel.

On behalf of Israel’s Jewry, the International Jewry and Europe’s diceased Jewry, I would like to thank you for for sacrificing so much to be here. Obviously you Jews from abroad are all about sacrificing for the state of Israel and we appreciate it. Without you, a 40 year occupation, illegal tear gas and Israeli weapons of mass destruction would not be possible.

Before I go on with the detailed schedule, I would like to ask the females to move to the back of the bus. Allowing females to ride in the front has recently been scientifically proven to sexually turn men on and prevent them from thinking up effective Patriarchal and Militaristic strategies whilst riding the bus, something that could be detrimental to the fragile state of our Jewish existence in this ocean of Jew-haters. Since the State of Israel prides itself on being a high-tech, modern, scientific empire, we are now abiding by these findings.

Oh! Wow, lucky you! If you look quickly to your right, you’ll see a pseudo-religious woman being arrested for trying to pray. How exciting!

Jessica from Pennsylvania (with a confuzzled look on her face): what do you mean pseudo-religious? and why is she being arrested for praying?!

Well Jessica, for starters, these women are not true Jews since they don’t observe the Sabbath and don’t always adhere themselves to the modest dress code good Jews live by.

Jessica (now just looking plain dumb): but those same criteria are true for me as well…

True, but the people paying for you to be here have specifically advised we should not limit you in your dress or be too picky of your Jewish knowledge/ relation to Judaism/ plain morals, otherwise you wouldn’t agree to this huge sacrifice of coming on a two-week all-expenses-paid trip with a private bus and guide which we conveniently end at the Holocaust Museum before sending you back to guilt your ‘back-then-anti-zionist-families-that-chose-america-today-crazy-zionist-god-knows-why-families’ into contributing to our continuous struggle of surviving as the only democracy in the middle east.

Brian from California: So you’re saying that we, American Jews, are actually a bigger help to the existence of Israel then some of the Jews living here? How exciting!

Yes, exactly. Because you don’t live here, have no idea what’s going on here and faithfully subscribe to @IDFSpokesperson and @DannyAyalon and truly believe every piece of bullshit they throw your way and write a check for it, your support is invaluable!

I see there’s really no need for the tour to even leave the parking lot, seems you’ve been made to feel appreciated enough for the first day. You’re all dismissed to go out and drink the rest of the money the world’s Jews are paying into this program.

Just be careful of the diapers and burning trash being swung at you as you depart the bus, we are parked in the old city on the Holy Sabbath after all. Some Holy behavior is to be expected.

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11 Responses to Reality Taglit Episode 1

  1. gabriela says:

    oh come on!
    who are you, and where are you from?

    • Tahel Ilan says:

      I am an Israeli from Jerusalem.
      And I’m guessing you are someone that has been on birthright or has financially supported it?

      • gabriela says:

        yes, i just came back from israel in taglit’s program, but i’m not from usa, i’m from Brasil. i just couldn’t get your point in this text, because it was one of the most incredible experiences of my life.

      • Tahel Ilan says:

        its incredible just like if i traveled to brazil it would be incredible for me.
        traveling to far-away lands that you have some sort of connection to is not a bad deal. I agree.
        the bad deal is for the rest of us israelis living there.
        people like you are shown a very different israel than the one in reality, and therefore end up investing money in our govt. and donating to organizations that make the situation that WE not you, have to live with daily, that much worse.
        you are shown a very different jersualem than the one i lived in for 18 years. you don’t see thousands of tax-paying residents whose streets are flowing with garbage because the municipality only picks it up in jewish neighborhoods.
        you dont see women sitting at the back of the bus because you ride your own bus.
        you never meet even one israeli on that tour that will admit or even care that we have been in control of the caloric intake and freedom of movement of 2 million people for the last 43 years.
        Israel is a beautiful and unique country, I would be the last to argue with that. but the trips u r taking are causing both its future and the futures of millions of people quite a bit of damage…
        and for me, someone that has contributed to it quite a lot, its important to voice criticism. you are touring israel at a time where it would be as if you toured south africa in the days of apartheid and told me it was lovely.

  2. […] (The second in an on-going series, the first can be found Here)… […]

  3. […] Birthright Project that pays for tens of thousands of Jewish students to visit Israel every year: 1st Post in the series, 2nd, 3rd, 4th. More to […]

  4. gabriela says:

    wait a little bit, before knowing Israel i was a complete anti sionist. and never really believed in a jewish State. but after seeing some reality (parcial reality) I changed my mind. my wish is to live in israel so that i can live the real thing. of course, every country has its problems, and i’m just trying to understand your country. well, i just want to know one thing about you, are you jewish? not to have a prejudice if you`re not, but the type of things like woman in the back of the bus is NOTHING like apartheid. and this type of things may be hard to understand, for me it was.

    • Tahel Ilan says:

      yes im jewish. i served in the army. i have volunteered with religious and many other israeli organizations. i spent my life in jerusalem.
      i have been paid back by being shoved violently to the back of the bus, by having friends arrested for speaking out against the govt., for having palestinian friends who have lost all of their land and have no income or ability to survive because the wall surrounds their villages from all 4 sides, i have other friends that get tear gassed by an army they once served in because they are protesting in support of a decision that Israel’s supreme court put out and that the army hasn’t respected.
      the bus story isn’t my reference to apartheid. the wall is. and its a quite accurate one historically.

  5. gabriela says:

    well, i truly believe you. you know your contry’s reality. i just wish you could come to brasil sometime. and then, you would see the real apartheid. the only difference is that here is nothing declared. people disappear and no one cares. you said about the floods in your neighborhood, have you seen the tragedies here? and just because there are people that still live without any type of sewage nor basic higienic systems.and people come here and go to our parties and use some drugs and get high and buy our women. yes, you have serious territorial issues, but israel is so much than that.
    can you understand my fascination?

    • Tahel Ilan says:

      of course i can, i think israel is an amazing country as well πŸ™‚
      my parents have been to Brazil and i have a friend from there, they have also told me about many problems there, I would love to come one day and see it πŸ™‚
      I encourage everyone in the world to get involved in countries they feel attached to. I just add to that encouragement a request to learn what is happening and not let oneself be blinded by the tourism ministry, that as you know from brazil, can often paint a very different picture of reality for those visiting.
      I would love to meet you if you are ever back in Israel πŸ™‚

      • gabriela says:

        sure i’ll be back! and then my tour will be with you, for you to show me the reality! =)
        oh and your texts are awesome, nice way to criticize. =) after all i was just mad because i was so amazed with the trip and so grateful for taglit..
        if you have skype or facebook send me and email or give me yours and we’ll stay in touch! =) you have to come to brazil also!

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